We Can Prevent Suicide

Written by: Rosalina Ruiz, RSS, MHP 

CW: SUICIDE

I have lived with depression and suicidal thoughts since I was a teen. I always felt alone and hopeless. Over the years, I began to meet others like me. One friend in particular named Kim changed the way I saw depression and suicide even as someone who still has an ongoing relationship with both.

I met Kim when I was 22 and she was 17. The first time Kim called me to tell me she loved me, I felt like she was saying goodbye. I stayed on the phone with her while I drove to her house. Right as I turned onto her block, she burst into tears and confessed that she was going to end it all. Her mom had gotten fired, she hadn’t been able to get a job, and her childhood cat passed away. I was crying, too, because I couldn’t imagine what would have happened if I had just let her hang up. When I got to her house, I knocked on her door, and she opened it and hugged me.

The second time, Kim messaged me on Snapchat. At this time, our lives led us to live in two different states. I would visit her as often as I could, but it was hard because I worked 80-100 hours a week. I remember seeing the message “I love you, I’m so sorry.” I ran to my coworker, told her I had an emergency, and I called Kim. At the same time, I called the police department in her state. She talked to me for a while, but eventually told me, “you won’t get here in time now.” My heart sank. I begged her to stop and told her that I loved her. She had been doing so well. I promised her as soon as my shift was over, I’d make the drive to her. She hung up, but I knew the police were on their way. The police said they would call me back when they got there. When I got the call from the Police Department, I answered. They asked me, “do you know her name?” I gave the officer her full name and answered all the questions as best I could. “You saved her life, thank you,” they said. I cried for the last hour of my shift.

A week later I got a text from Kim that said, “you’re not a real friend,” and she blocked me. She was mad. It upset me, but I gave her space. A few days later, her roommate updated me on her hospitalization and when she returned home, I got a text that said, “I’m sorry, I love you. Do you forgive me?” I called her immediately and said, “of course I do, how are you?”

Kim is now a mother of two beautiful kids. She received her GED and is living well in her substance abuse recovery. She sees a therapist regularly and makes sure to take her mental health medication. Suicide is scary and it can be difficult to know what to do, where to go, and how to help those who suffer. Sometimes even when we intervene, there will be anger. The most important thing is being safe when you learn of someone’s plan or attempt. Strong emotions will sort themselves out in time. All it takes is a call, a message, and sometimes even a closed door that stops someone from following through. I’m grateful Kim reached out those two times. To anyone struggling, I would like to say, please stay. To anyone who loves someone who is struggling, calling the police will never be the wrong action if you learn someone you love has a plan. Let people know that they can call you if things get too dark.

To learn more about suicide warning signs and risk factors click here.

If you or a loved one are in emotional distress or suicidal crisis, please know that your life matters and that you are not alone. The 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline is available 24/7 for anyone who needs help. You can also text HOME to 741741 to connect with a volunteer Crisis Counselor. For LGBTQIA-specific services, The Trevor Project is the leading suicide prevention organization for LGBTQIA+ young people. Reach a trained counselor 24/7 at 866-488-7386 or text 678-678